DailyHeights

The guy who wrote this letter is comedian and Prospect Heights resident Jon Friedman. You can win a T-shirt from this guy if you go to the DAILY HEIGHTS happy hour at SODA this Thursday starting at 6.

Dear Comedy Club,

I’d like to perform my act this Friday night at your club. It is hilarious. I do a fantastic impersonation of Greg Tatum. He was in my third grade class and he used to walk with a hitch limp and slobber. The crowd loves it. I rump around the stage a bit saying “Tatum if you got ’em!” I do lots of jokes too. My favorite one is about a seal that tries to deposit money in the bank but can’t because “No pinnepeds!” The main part of my act is basically me enraging everyone. When I am introduced I come out like a pissed off hillbilly looking for my trunk of junk. Of course my trunk is already on the stage but I pretend to not be able to find it. “Did any body see my trunk of junk?” That’s what I say scratching my head for a while. People usually yell out things like “It’s right behind you.” “What are you doing?” and “Boo.” I really like the interaction I get from my audience because without interaction what do I have? Then after I locate the trunk with a gallant “Well, here it is! Shiver me tacklebox! I found it!” I open it up and take out my giant sledgehammer and a watermelon. I got this idea from this bald weird big fan pants guy who jumps on large furniture and crashes fruit. Read more…

This may be the funniest fake letter ever. If you think this is not the funniest thing you have ever read, I challenge you to post something better in the Comments. Go.