Just a friendly reminder to leave your windows and front doors wide open in observance of Outdoor Loudness Season (OLS), sometimes referred to as “Spring.” Please be sure to maintain minimum decibel levels, particularly when washing your car, or pulling up to the curb to pick up your friends.
Those living in apartments on 4th or higher floors may need to increase stereo volume to compensate for distance from the street. Rule of thumb: simply double the standard blasting volume to be sure you’re in the “safe zone.”
Is Your Friend/Relative/”Connection” At Home? No need to use your cell phone during Outdoor Loudness Season. Just be sure your to have the bass pumping, and your windows rolled down, BEFORE you double park on the opposite side of the street. If double parking is not available, block a fire hydrant. Please be sure to spend at least 5 minutes crossing the street, knocking on the door of your friend who is clearly not at home, and then walking, slowly, again, back, across, two, lanes, of, traffic (allow an extra 2 minutes if neighborhood babies are napping in bedrooms facing the street).
Musical selections are no longer mandatory for 2005 (ref. “Hey Ya/When I Move, You Move” alternate-side blasting regulations of 2004). However, playing prerecorded tapes of dancehall reggae deejays grunting and yelling at strategic intervals (i.e., “HUUNNNH!”) is widely encouraged.
The Jackson Five, though pioneers of Loud in at least one respect, are expressly forbidden for the duration of The Season. [IMAGE CONSULTANT: J5-Collector.com]
You forgot the most important part – the bass must be loud enough to rattle the windows 🙂
Prior to moving to Prospect Heights, my wife and I lived in Fort Greene, near a hospital(think sirens), a subway line, four bus lines, a 24-hour deli, and a 24-hour car service where the drivers never stopped arguing with each other. And, of course, a group of drunks (numbering from 3-9, depending on the day) camped out front of our building all day every day. Every day I feel gratitude that I now live on a peaceful block.
By the way, DailyHeights, your plan to use Metal Machine Music is brilliant. Consider adding some Einsturzende Neubuaten or Test Department 🙂
Does this campaign involve leaving one’s dog out on the fire escape to yelp for several hours in plain earshot of your neighbors while you hang out and enjoy loud music inside your home and ignore the yelping dog? If so, my neighbors have been celebrating in grand style this week.